Funny

It's funny how this world works.

People that you have barely seen for more than 3 hours asks " I have seen your Facebook status and I'm worried about you, are you ok?!"

Putting me into serious contemplation. Am I ok? When has it become ok, for a person that I scarcely know to ask me such questions, to give me the feeling that I'm being judged, to seriously consider what I put on Facebook might not for my private amusement. The last point is of course in itself laughable, as everything that we put on the net become public entertainment, and by putting it out into the interwebz, I was and am sneakily hoping for attention.

I'm glad I have friends, who can listen to my nonsensical mambo-jumbo about all the dyslexic oxymoron that I love to intertwine myself in. I love him I don't love him I can't love him. I hate my job I love my job. I don't know what I want in my life I know where I want to be. I don't want loneliness I shun every walking living breathing thing, because in my mind they are dumb retarded or boring.

I dig a hole so deep I don't know how to climb out.

I love my friends, I'm so glad someone is there to listen to me talk about all the small nuisances that even I know is to juvenile to be discussed. It's true the wiring of a girl twists and turns 5 times over before the boy has made his first step. Maybe I have considered every possibility, and you haven't even thought of a possibility yet.

Why tire myself out?

Thanks so much for not judging, just listening to me whine. Thanks for not giving me hope, not telling me it's impossible, thanks for acting like an adult for me.

Holden talked to the cab driver about where the fish go in the winter. I talked to you about where the fish go in the winter, we google we have a laugh you say I read that book when I was about your age, it was a good book. How tragic.

Wikipedia tells me J.D. Salinger passed away Jan. of 2010. All of a sudden everything becomes so much closer. The rich boy that talks about the "phonies" and explore that sense of loss of loneliness of love of having feelings that can't be understood all of a sudden becomes so real, so adorable.

Journal entries are becoming so fickle, fragmented, my thoughts jump so fast I can't keep up with myself. Just like how you are just an image.

I see you, I see goldfish, I see R's apartment with the potted plants and radiator, the afternoon sun, golden locks as reflected from the rays that passed through the curtained window, lights that shun through Emily's window that night. It was the most horrible and the happiest trip I ever took in my life, the only trip I took. I don't know what is reality anymore.

I still have pictures from that trip, my proudest achievement, my saddest moments. I gave everything to you, I lost all dignity, I hung on to you like a lost child. I was lost. You took pity, I was pathetic.

I see you, and I see him. You are the same species.

I want what I can't get. Always.

I'm trying to read more to expand my knowledge, to escape. So far it's working very well. But it doesn't help I'm always reminded of how you read this you read that, or that he probably read this, he probably liked that.

I like being superior. Being condescending is my forte.

Beg when you can't bitch, bitch when you don't need to beg. Power to all my friends, love forever. My heart is limited, I can only be nice to those that I care about.

Learn to be lonely.

List time!

Catcher in the Rye
Flaubert's Parrot
1Q84 (I really think this is the best of his works)
Finish the Millennium series ( I can't decide on this first or 1Q84)

Dilemmas dilemmas.

This should probably be good till Christmas:)

P.S. I can't spell, thank god for spell checking features (sadness of my generation)

P.P.S. I'm selfish. I know that, I can't think of others, it's me me me (another sadness of my generation). I want a dog.

P.P.P.S. Time to get rid of material wants. Learn to be more like my cousin.